Big Ben needs a stronger pimp hand
me: http://deadspin.com/5487565/big-bens-night-out-in-millyvegas-what-the-bartenders-saw?skyline=true&s=i
Tarik: man, what an awesome life
minus the rape allegations
me: i think it just sounds like he needs a friend to run interference on all the hoes
Tarik: oh man, i wish i could be that friend
me: if i could live life all over again, i'd make friends with a famous athlete or actor
cuz then basically your entire job is screening for all the hoes who throw themselves at him
Tarik: living the dream
me: thats what tiger's problem was too
he needed a friend to take care of all that shit for him
Tarik: if someone asked me what i did for a living
i would say i'm a hoe screener
i would say it with pride
me: i would make business cards
i feel like that's a legitimate job
because every athlete needs a friend to make sure the skanks he messes with knows the deal
Tarik: yeah
either hoe screener or skank checker
or pimp hand
me: pimp hand i consider a classier title
Tarik: definitely
me: thats for athletes like derek jeter or actors like george clooney
and even tiger
for ben roethlisberger, your job would be skank checker
Tarik: derek and george don't need it
me: sure they do
Tarik: nah
me: just to make sure what happens to big ben doesnt happen to them
Tarik: they don't get in trouble like everyone else
me: yo son, thats because their pimp hand is strong
Tarik: but look at the chicks they mess with compared to big ben
me: i guarantee they have a friend who's job is to basically weed out the skanks
Tarik: they actually deal with chicks who have their own careers and are doing shit in their life
me: yo son, thats only the ones we know about
Tarik: big ben picks up anything with legs, titsm and ass
me: along with a lawyer, he needs to hire a pimp hand
to manage the hoes
the pimp hand needs to be able to drive the girl home in the morning, send her roses or money
and most importantly, make sure she doesn't talk
i wish i could get in touch with roethlisberger and let him know this
Tarik: me too
i would offer my services to him as his pimp hand
me: i would gladly accept the position of pimp hand at my current salary
Tarik: fuck yeah
free travel
free alcohol
free bitches
and he will probably buy shit for you when he's out shopping
me: and u get to watch football games for free in a luxury suite
that would be the best job
Mar 8th