September 2009
114 posts
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Free Roman Polanski!
Why? Because he made Chinatown. Remember when that guy sliced J.J.’s nose? Crazy! That was such an awesome movie. An awesome movie where we found out the bad guy committed statutory rape. And incest. And had a daughter with his daughter.
Actually, maybe we should have arrested Polanski in 1974.
I feel pretty creepy talking about Roman Polanski and his attraction to underage girls...
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WatchRumble in the Bronx! SportsCenter highlights of the epic “fight” between two 4 year olds at Yankee Stadium.
The analysis by Teddy Atlas and the punch stat numbers killed me.
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Mariano Saves →
As the gates swing open upon another October, baseball will once again attempt to divine one of the game’s great mysteries: how a man, closing fast on 40 and armed with but a single pitch, continues to dominate in the clutch like no other player
From Tom Verducci’s Sports Illustrated cover story on The Great Mariano Rivera. This article is the sports writing equivalent of the Bible.
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“I am awesome at fantasy football!”
– Janine
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Top 10 Yankee Moments of the 2009 Season
10. Phil Hughes unrelenting dominance as the Yankee setup man
9. Gardner’s inside the park home run
8. A-Rod’s first home run in his first at-bat
7. Castillo drops the ball!
6. Burnett’s pies the entire team
5. Walk-off weekend
4. Rivera’s 1st RBI
3. Rivera’s 500th Save
2. The 15 inning game vs. the Red Sox
1. Jeter breaks Gehrig’s record
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LD and Leon
Larry: I told him you said she was beautiful. That's all I said.
Leon: But you say that shit to him, it's implying I'm fucking her.
Larry: Just tell him you're not.
Leon: But I am. I've been kung-fuing that ass for a while now.
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The Yankee Bowl →
NEW YORK — New York Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner, New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg and the commissioners of the Big East and Big 12 will announce at a news conference Wednesday the formation of the Yankee Bowl, to be held at the new Yankee Stadium beginning with the 2010-11 postseason, according to sources with knowledge of the event.
The game, which will seek NCAA certification...
Watchthedailywhat:
The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien: Conan talks about the painful-looking head injury he sustained while racing Teri Hatcher for a triathlon bit.
[via.]
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“This is what opportunity looks like.”
– Duck Phillips, Mad Men
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Phone calls with Dad
Me (answering the phone): Hello?
Dad: AHH, BOY. IT'S ME. DAD!
Me: Oh, hey dad.
Dad: I GOT YOUR TEXT MESSAGE.
Me: Yeah, so how's everything in the Philippines?
Dad: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND. I ASKED MOM TO ANSWER YOU, BUT SHE WOULDN'T
Me: That's fine. Is everything okay in the Philippines?
Dad: SHE JUST TOLD ME TO CALL YOU.
Me (laughing): Okay, is everything fine?
Dad: OHHHH, EVERYTHING'S FINE.
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The Murderer's Row...or not.
Gardner CF Cabrera RF Damon LF Posada DH Cano 2B Hinske 3B Miranda 1B Cervelli C Pena SS
Today’s Yankee starting lineup against the Kansas City Royals. No Jeter, A-Rod, Teixeira, or Swisher.
The most underratedlysuperterrificandgreat thing about winning the division with 8+ games left to spare: the “half of the starters are out because they’re hungover”...
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“This is why I came here, moments like this. We’re feeling good right now. But we...”
– A.J. Burnett, starting pitcher for the AL East Champion New York Yankees
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“You’re serving nothing but lies here I’m not hungry!”
– Bam Bam Funkhouser, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Drug Lord Manny
I forget how this started, but I was 15 minutes late to work because of this conversation.
Tarik: You know how Manny came to New York from California, and he's never been able to explain why?
Me: Yeah.
Tarik: What if it's because Manny's in witness protection?
Me: That'd be incredible.
Tarik: Remember, every time he's asked he says "I don't even know why, I just did." Maybe it's because he had to go into hiding.
Me: Like if he was a drug lord, and he ratted out all of his associates?
Tarik: Yes.
Me: It makes sense. He probably just goes to his school to sell drugs to children.
Tarik: He came to New York to rebuild his empire.
Me: What we looked up "drug lords" on Wikipedia and we saw Manny standing carrying guns and trashbags full of coke?
Tarik: And it turns out he snitched on his people and had to go into hiding.
Me: And we asked him "Hey Manny, we looked up drug dealers, and we saw your picture on it."
Tarik: He would take out a gun and say "You didn't see anything. Now excuse me, I have to go watch Twilight."
Me: Yeah, even Drug Lord Manny likes Twilight.
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WatchGrand Theft Auto IV (and every game in the GTA series) has its share of hilarious characters, but based on this clip, Yusif Amir might be the funniest.
He had me at “Hey man” and “Hey Daddy-o”.
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A Sophisticated Conversation
Me (Gmail Status Message): You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.
Sachie: haha! its so fucking true
me: haha yeah
Sachie: stupid fucks
me: what jerks
Sachie: fuckheads
me: douchebags
Sachie: twat munchers
me: slutwhores
Sachie: hahaha cuntsluts
me: cockeating bitches
Sachie: haha dicksuckers
me: lopsided breast tumors
Sachie: ball lickers
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Plaxico receives rough welcome in jail →
And he thought Cowboys fans were nasty. Plaxico Burress got a zero’s welcome behind bars at Rikers Island, including taunts of “a - - hole!” and “The Giants suck!” according to jail guards. “He was depressed,” said one guard from Rikers, where the former Giants superstar spent his first-ever night behind bars. “He was trying to keep to himself,...
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Watchthedailywhat:
FoD Video of the Day: Will Ferrell, Jon Hamm, Olivia Wilde, Thomas Lennon, Ben Garant, Masi Oka, Jordana Spiro, Linda Cardellini, and Donald Faison comes together for the only cause worthy of their celebrity: The fight to protect health insurance companies.
Won’t somebody please think of the HMOs?!
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“Do you think we really needed Alaska and Hawaii? They gotta ruin everything....”
– Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
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The Emmy Awards
Fun Fact, I am a big fan of award shows. I like them not so much for the pageantry, although that’s always fun, but because I’m a fan of anything that has to do with winning and losing. Award shows are particularly great because right before they announce who won the award, they show each contender on a split screen, so we get the reaction shots of the each nominee. I love watching...
Adults
Janine: i shall be hoam tuemar arownd nune. i half to wark tueda.
i jaws made my first car payment.
i am an adult!!
me: hahahaha