January 2010
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“Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are...”
– J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
1919-2010.
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Mass Effect 2
Tarik: yo son i want to go back to saving the galaxy
doesn't my job understand human colonies are being attacked!?!?!?
me: human colonies are disappearing yet i have to sit here at my desk doing reports
this is an outrage
Tarik: i'm sitting here working when i should be training for the collectors' arrival
who knows when they will strike
me: maybe if i tell my boss i have to assemble a team to enter the omega relay, he will understand
Tarik: i wonder if i can tell my boss i will be out for the rest of the week
cause i have to get L5 implants
me: i should tell my boss i need to mine planets in order to build enough resources to upgrade the normandy
Tarik: i should tell my boss i need a raise cause i need to buy materials for research
me: my boss is heartless though
he will not understand that i need to spend time with my friend garrus, who blames himself for his team of mercs dying
Tarik: my boss is like the council
he has not seen the visions that the beacons showed me
so he won't understand why i do everything i do
me: you would think after defeating sovereign, our bosses would understand the threat of the reapers
i should tell him that i should be able to do what i want because i am the first human spectre
(This conversation is really cool. I know because my mom told me it was.)
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Tiger and Elin hope to save marriage →
“Tiger wants to go back to being a golf star with major endorsements,” the insider told PEOPLE. “He wants his clients, who have kids of their own, to think he is a good family man. He had hoped all along that his wife’s initial furor would die down so they could discuss the situation and behave rationally.”
Added the insider, “Keeping the family together is...
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How Videogames Trained A Generation of Athletes →
It was only a matter of time before the generation that grew up playing Madden and games like it transformed the gridiron. For years, the sophisticated play of professional teams trickled down to their college and high school counterparts. Recently, that flow has been reversed. Now the way football is played in high school and college — a style dominated by the so-called spread offense, which...
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Favre "highly unlikely" to play again →
Brett Favre wasn’t overly revealing about his plans after the game last night. At least not publicly. Favre was more forthright with ESPN’s Ed Werder, though, saying it was “highly unlikely” that he would play football again. That comment matches what his teammates expect. FOX’s Jay Glazer also reported that all of Favre’s teammates expect him to retire.
...
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“Brett Favre sat on a stool in front of a cubicle in the visitors’ dressing...”
– Sports Illustrated writer Tim Layden, literally showing how much of a hard-on the media has for Brett Favre.
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Bets
Chris: I think the Vikings are gonna win that game.
Me: I'm taking the Saints.
Chris: Let's make a bet. If the Saints win, I have to beat up Manny. If the Vikings win, you have to beat up Manny.
“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least...”
– CONAN O’BRIEN, The Tonight Show (via inothernews)
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“This is America, where everything is still possible.”
– Senator John Edwards, former presidential candidate, baby-daddy.
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“And when the warm-up suit comes off … I mean … good grief. LeBron is...”
– Bill Simmons on LeBron James
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WatchSomeone needs to arrest David Letterman, because he just murdered Jay Leno.
Kristen Bell
Dad: Hey! That was Kristen Bell! I like that girl Kristen Bell!
Janine: How do you know Kristen Bell?!?!
Dad: I saw her in a Hallmark movie.
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Football positions
Dad: Percy Harvin, that guy is good! Like OJ.
Me: Harvin is a wide receiver, OJ was a running back.
Vincent: Then he became a murderer.
Mama Es: We are extending an invitation to you to come to the Philippines.
Me: Okay! I like the Philippines. Mama, do you remember when we went to to the Philippines?
Mama: Of course! I don't have Alzheimers. Do you think I have Alzheimers?
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Jay Leno Criticizes NBC On 'Tonight' Cliffhanger... →
Jay Leno, expressing what he called “surprise and disappointment” with NBC executives, said yesterday that he believed his performance as the host of the “Tonight” show should have more than satisfied the network and that he did not deserve to be threatened with losing the leading show in late-night television to David Letterman.
“Am I crazy?” Mr. Leno said...
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“I get my info from the Huffington Post. The NBC people make sure not to tell me...”
– ?uestlove on NBC and the Conan vs. Jay deathmatch
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“People of Earth:
In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy...”
– CONAN O’BRIEN, in his official response to NBC fuck-uppery.
Like we said: he should quit on principle. And he is.
Fuck you, NBC.
(via the New York Times) (via inothernews)
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WatchConan O’Brien’s Monologue. 1/11/10.
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WatchMcGwire’s confession. MLB Network. 1/11/10.
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“When I’m in my match, I’m going to tear your intestines out and jump...”
– Mike Tyson, Monday Night RAW
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“I never knew when, but I always knew this day would come. It’s time for me...”
– Mark McGwire, here to talk about the past
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