Big Ben needs a stronger pimp hand
- me: http://deadspin.com/5487565/big-bens-night-out-in-millyvegas-what-the-bartenders-saw?skyline=true&s=i
- Tarik: man, what an awesome life
- minus the rape allegations
- me: i think it just sounds like he needs a friend to run interference on all the hoes
- Tarik: oh man, i wish i could be that friend
- me: if i could live life all over again, i'd make friends with a famous athlete or actor
- cuz then basically your entire job is screening for all the hoes who throw themselves at him
- Tarik: living the dream
- me: thats what tiger's problem was too
- he needed a friend to take care of all that shit for him
- Tarik: if someone asked me what i did for a living
- i would say i'm a hoe screener
- i would say it with pride
- me: i would make business cards
- i feel like that's a legitimate job
- because every athlete needs a friend to make sure the skanks he messes with knows the deal
- Tarik: yeah
- either hoe screener or skank checker
- or pimp hand
- me: pimp hand i consider a classier title
- Tarik: definitely
- me: thats for athletes like derek jeter or actors like george clooney
- and even tiger
- for ben roethlisberger, your job would be skank checker
- Tarik: derek and george don't need it
- me: sure they do
- Tarik: nah
- me: just to make sure what happens to big ben doesnt happen to them
- Tarik: they don't get in trouble like everyone else
- me: yo son, thats because their pimp hand is strong
- Tarik: but look at the chicks they mess with compared to big ben
- me: i guarantee they have a friend who's job is to basically weed out the skanks
- Tarik: they actually deal with chicks who have their own careers and are doing shit in their life
- me: yo son, thats only the ones we know about
- Tarik: big ben picks up anything with legs, titsm and ass
- me: along with a lawyer, he needs to hire a pimp hand
- to manage the hoes
- the pimp hand needs to be able to drive the girl home in the morning, send her roses or money
- and most importantly, make sure she doesn't talk
- i wish i could get in touch with roethlisberger and let him know this
- Tarik: me too
- i would offer my services to him as his pimp hand
- me: i would gladly accept the position of pimp hand at my current salary
- Tarik: fuck yeah
- free travel
- free alcohol
- free bitches
- and he will probably buy shit for you when he's out shopping
- me: and u get to watch football games for free in a luxury suite
- that would be the best job
